once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
