yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
