she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We don't watch enough power rangers
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
