She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize