the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
