I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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