For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
