guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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