eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was born a porn star she said
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
