Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
