Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
