I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
