How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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