i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize