I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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