I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
