Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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