well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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