her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
