I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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