I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
