I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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