one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
