And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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