So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
