Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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