Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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