never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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