So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize