how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
