Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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