yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
