I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize