can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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