when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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