His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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