We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
