considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
