Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize