I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
