I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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