Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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