Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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