haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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