were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize