I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
