I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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