We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
