When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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