I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
