i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
