I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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