I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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