he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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