I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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