We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
