I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
