I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
