Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
