how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
