Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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