I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
