so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
