what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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