Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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