Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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