I want to stick my p in your. b.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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