something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
