hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
