'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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