the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
