there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
