At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
