Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
