we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
