worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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