oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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