everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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