I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
