There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just fell off a train. Bad.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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