Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
