Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I touched a dick in church today
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
