Will you blow on my dice?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
