I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
