The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
