Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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