i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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