I can text with my tongue
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
