last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
