I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
