I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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