I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
one might say we're banned from that church
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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