before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I touched a dick in church today
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
