when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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