if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he thought i was a dude.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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