My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
