Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
