I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
