Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
