why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
