i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize